The thirteenth step
by samanddianefan10
Summary: Sam does some careful reevaluating, thanks to The Program, of his life. Somehow it led him back to her. It always did.
1. Chapter 1

Sam looked at his watch. He didn't know what he was expecting, but he knew _who _he was expecting. It had been years since he'd seen her, almost the length of their relationship. All he could think to himself was that this was a bad idea. A disaster, perhaps. But maybe time had changed her. Heck, time had changed him. Ever since he had joined the sex addicts group he found that he hadn't been enjoying the same things that he used to. Sex, alcohol, gambling (every now and then) had all lost their meaning to him. He'd found that he just didn't enjoy things the way he used to, and for that he blamed _her_.

Her. Diane. Diane Chambers. He couldn't remember her middle name, but Sam knew that he'd always been bad about that kind of stuff. On a good day he could remember his. But he knew there were so many things that he would always remember. Always.

Her fragrance. Sam never forgot the time that, out of the blue, he'd bought her some perfume. It wasn't much- he'd found it at a gas station- but he would always remember how happy it had made her. It had made him happy to give it to her, that was, until the day Carla told him how much her regular perfume cost- it was ten times the amount that he'd paid for his gift. One day he snuck in her bedroom and took it back thinking she would never notice, but she did. Oh how she noticed. He'd felt so bad when he saw her cry that he couldn't tell her that he was the one to take it back, so she bought her another one. To his surprise she dumped it out, telling him that objects could be replaced, not memories. Even Sam had to admit that he was confused and yet touched by that at the same time.

There were so many memories of their time together, so many bad ones, probably more so than the good ones. So what was it about Diane Something Chambers that he just couldn't forget? Today he felt as nervous as he had on his ill-fated wedding day to her. Even his first wife didn't cause him the kind of pain that Diane had. He'd blown it with his first marriage; he had no one to blame but himself. But he had plenty of blame to throw at Diane. He had and he did. So why was he so darn nervous about the day?

They'd put each other through hell and back. Never before had he spent so much time reflecting in the past. Even when he worked the twelve steps he had never really been honest about how badly he had treated her. But ever since he fell off the wagon about a year ago, he'd rejoined the program and that was what led him today.

_**The first step**_

**We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable**

It was a dark night when the phone rang, just a year ago today, their would have been anniversary. For some reason Sam had been in a bad mood all night. He shouldn't have had anything to complain about. He had his health, his bar, his 'vette, and heaven forbid he should lose this, his hair. Times had come and gone by but he knew he could count on his friends. Woody was, actually, like the younger brother that he wished he'd had. He knew that he could count on Woody for anything, and although it took him awhile to accept this, Sam had realized that Woody saw him as kind of a father figure. He'd resented that at times, he was far too young to be his father, but once Frasier explained it was kind of like how Sam had once seen Coach, then things made sense. Leave it to good old Frais to put things in a way that made sense. Go figure. That night, Woody must have had a sixth sense himself, for he was paying close attention to Sam, bugging the hell out of him until he finally told the younger bartender to go home. Woody didn't want to, but Sam had insisted, so he had. He probably should have listened to the young man from Indiana, but Sam had his pride, and had reassured Woody (if not himself) that things were all right.

"Good night Sam. Say, you know what we haven't done? We haven't had a sleepover in a really long time. Kelly is sleeping but I'm sure she would say it's okay. Why don't you come over to my place? I can even get the driver to take us there."

"No, that's okay. I'll be fine. Maybe some other time. You go on home and tell that wife of yours you love her. Maybe show it to her if you catch my drift."

"Sam…do you ever have things you want to say to a friend but you haven't?"

Sam looked at his friend curiously, nervous about where he was taking this. "Yeah..I guess… got something on your mind?"

"I don't know why but I thought I should tell you…I love Kelly and all but I love you too. Just in a different way."

Sam smiled and then looked at his friend. "I love you too, Woody."

That night Sam had his first drink in years.

0000

_**The second step**_

**Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity**

Sam had come close to losing the bar. Times were tough and he, like many small business owners, struggled financially. Life wasn't fair; he'd gained back his livelihood only to come so close to losing it. But then someone had left $2000 in his tip jar. There was only one person who could have donated that kind of money, and normally it would have offended him to take money from one of his employees. So he took Woody aside after work and asked him why he did it.

"Because I love you, Sam. We're friends, aren't we? Friends look out for each other. What good is money if you can't do something good with it," Woody said lightheartedly as he walked out the door.

That was the moment Sam knew that he believed in a Higher Power.

0000

_**Step three**_

**Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God**

Sam couldn't believe that he had gotten the phone call that he had. There had been an accident. When he found out who was the victim he became angry, angry at God, something that he was good at over the years.

"It's okay Sam. He's going to be fine," Kelly reassured him as he started to slam the wall at the hospital.

"Why him? Why Woody? He's the kindest, gentlest…heck he wouldn't even harm a flea. Who would hit him on his bike then drive away?" Sam demanded as he ran his fingers through his hair. At this point he could care less if it became tangled. Still, out of habit, he smoothed down his mane as he turned to look at Kelly.

"Please don't be angry, Sam. He wouldn't want you to be. He needs us to be happy and strong. You can do it. You're like his…"

"Please don't tell me that he's like my son. I'm too damn old to be his father!"

"I was going to say best friend."

At that, Sam hit the floor and began to pray for the first time in a long time, years perhaps. Just then the doctor came out and told them that Woody was going to be just fine.

"Good, now I can tell him the good news!" Kelly declared as she clapped her hands.

"Good news? Your husband could have been killed and you say you have good news? What could possibly be good in a time like this?"

Kelly placed her hand on her friend's shoulder. "Woody was coming to meet me at a restaurant. That's why he needed to leave early. I was going to tell him that he's about to become a father."

Sam stared at Kelly's stomach, then at her face. "You mean…"

"Yes, Sam. Woody's going to become a father!"

Just then he made the decision to turn his life over. As soon as he did a double take for Kelly's stomach, that was when Sam knew that he believed in something other than himself. And it was time to let that something take over.

0000

_**Step four**_

**Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves**

A few months later, Woody brought in the ultrasound. "It's a boy! I'm going to have a son! Can you guys believe that?"

"Hey, all right! Round of drinks on the house. Except for you, Kelly!" Sam declared as he got ready to start pouring drinks.

"You know what Sam? Kelly and I have been thinking about this. We would like for you to be our son's grandfather!"

Sam stared at Woody, then Frasier spoke up. "I believe you mean godfather."

"I know that. I just don't want my child to become associated with the mafia," Woody covered and then looked at Sam. "Will you be my son's godfather?"

All eyes were on Sam Malone at that moment. He gave Norm his beer and then opened his arms, where Woody found himself on the very nervous end of a hug.

"Yes, Woody. I would be honored to be your son's godfather. Only if you agree to let me play ball with him now and then."

Woody shrieked with excitement and then everyone started to clap. The next day, he drove out to the cemetery after calling off work.

_Ernest Pantuso_

_Beloved father_

_Beloved Friend_

_Coach_

"What am I doing, Coach? I am not married, I don't have kids, but Woody wants me to look after his kid! Who does he think I am? Who do I think I am? I'll tell you who I am. I'm a selfish, self-seeking, vain, arrogant no good son of a…"

"Coach I don't know why he wants me to be his son's godfather. Look at me. I'm a drunk for heaven's sake. No offense to where you're at. I just can't do this. Why me, Coach? Why me? What does he see im me?"

Sam brushed off the dirt off Coach's grave, then traced the outline of a baseball that had been engraved on it, and then smiled. "Probably the same thing you did."

With that, Sam had just made his inventory.

0000

And that is how the next step took him to Diane.


	2. step five

Chapter 2

**Step five**

_**Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs**_

Sam was at his apartment when she finally got there. Man she looked good. Maybe all of those expensive creams she'd used that he teased her about all the time had worked in her favor. Apparently so. Even though he knew that Diane was an attractive woman, he'd maybe never realized just how so until the moment she arrived.

"Are you going to stand there and stare or are you going to let me in?" Diane teased as she leaned forward to kiss Sam awkwardly on the cheek.

"Yeah..yeah come on in. How the hell are you?" he managed to spit out, not his best come on line but it would have to do for the moment.

"I'm great. Never been better. Look at your place, Sam. It definitely needs a woman's touch. There are papers all over the table." With that, Diane walked over to pick up the papers off of his table when she noticed a book. A big book. The big book. "Oh, Sam, are you reading this? How wonderful. I just never mistook you for a reader."

"Well you might not know me now if you were around me long enough. I don't even know myself that well anymore. Geesh you're not going to sit around and analyze me to death are you?"

She smiled. "No. I won't. That's not why I'm here. In fact I don't even know why I'm here. You're the one who found me, remember?"

He did remember, and at the moment he was beginning to regret his action.

"Don't pay no attention to me. I don't know why I brought you here. Actually I do but I think it's better if we talk about something else. Baseball? How about those Sox?"

She stared at him for a moment. "What's wrong, Sam? Are you in trouble? You're not wanted by the law are you? Is that why you have that Alcoholics Anonymous book out on your table? Because if you need me to vouch for your whereabouts I won't lie to anyone- not even for you."

Sam smiled. He deserved that. "No, no, lets have a seat. I'll get to all that. I'm not in any trouble..well, not so much anymore."

"You have me curious..morbid curiousity, but still curious nonetheless. What is it? Something funny's going on and if this is a set-up I will march myself straight to my hotel room. What is wrong with you?"

He sighed. She wasn't going to make things easy on him; then again, when had she? "Diane, I want to be honest with you…"

"That's a start."

"Well yeah, I am in AA. Earlier this year I started drinking. I liked it. A lot. But then things happened and then with Woody and all…"

"Woody, how is he? I cannot believe I am saying this but I have found myself missing him at various times. He is a one of a kind."

"Yeah he is," Sam agreed. "But just with his accident and then finding out he was going to be a dad.."

Diane chortled. "Woody? A dad? Come on now, you cannot be serious."

The way Sam looked at her let her know that indeed, he was serious.

"I'm sorry. Go on."

"Well I've just had some things in my life happen that have told me it's time to get serious about myself. It's not been easy…"

"Anything worth having is not always easy," Diane interrupted.

"Tell me about it. Weren't you and I the proof?"

Diane started to look around. "Now if you're wanting me back there is one thing you should know. I'm engaged. I have a fiancée."

That hurt. He wasn't expecting that but maybe it was for the best. He really wasn't expecting anything from her, so it wasn't as if he had lost anything.

"You do? Good for you. I'm happy for you. I'm sure he will make you very happy…happier than I could have ever made you."

"Aw, now come on. You weren't always that bad."

"Oh yeah? How about the times I went to a ball game instead of your birthday? What about the time I stopped off for a burger right before your fancy-schmancy dinner? What about Christmas time? I never was a good gift giver."

"It wasn't always like that. There were plenty of good times. Like when you read War and Peace," Diane smiled. "Or how you cried when my cat died. You are a wonderful person-when you want to be."

"Yeah, but see Diane, there are some things I need to tell you."

"Is this your step five?"

Sam nodded. He'd almost forgotten how smart she was. "Yeah. I suppose it is. But I think I would have done this anyways…maybe. I like to think I would have anyhow."

"You can tell me anything you like. It may not be easy to hear, but I want you to know I am here for you." Diane took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Hey, you want to do this in my bedroom?" He smiled, not able to resist the opportunity.

"No I most certainly do not want to 'do this in your bedroom.' Are you going to get serious or not?"

"I am I am. Sorry. Force of habit. Anyhow I'm glad I slipped up just now. I need to tell you that I, well, I know that I hurt you and I wish that I could change the past."

"Sam, you don't have to apologize.."

"Yes, I do. I was a lousy boyfriend, a lousy boss, and a lousy friend."

Diane looked taken aback. "You were a wonderful friend."

"No, no I wasn't. I was a good friend when there was something in it for me. You know what that was. There were times I used you and for that I'm sorry. I was only thinking of myself."

Diane fought back the urge to cry at that moment. "Why, you were many things, but you were always a good friend. That's what I lo..liked about you."

It took Sam a minute to think about her little slip of the tongue. "You did love me, didn't you? It was love that we had. I know I didn't really say it but I had always hoped that you knew."

"Oh, I knew. You're forgetting that I'm just as stubborn as you are. But I always knew. That was until the day you…"

"Slapped you? Yeah that was kind of a silly thing to do. But you slapped me first!" Sam protested.

She looked at him and then he grew serious again. "Anyways I sometimes think about that night, that awful night. I know I said some things and did some things I shouldn't have. I was just too angry to think straight. I know I have a temper, and being with you just, just…"

"Aggravated it?" Diane smiled. "We brought out the worst in each other, that's for sure."

"You can say that, or as I like to recall, you brought out the best in me."

It was harder to say who was more stunned at Sam's admission, he or she. There was definitely some of the old chemistry there when she leaned in to kiss him. But to both of their shock, he pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Diane. I can't. You have a fiancée and I won't be the one to tear you apart." He stood up.

Humiliated, Diane stood up and then began to gather her belongings. "Well, I am forgetting the time. I'm awfully tired. Long flight, you know. Well, take care of yourself Sam and keep up the good work. I really- I have to go now."

As Sam watched her leave, he hit himself on the forehead. "What is wrong with me?" he muttered to himself.

Maybe he didn't know what was wrong, but he knew that he'd done at least one thing right. And for that, he could honestly say for the first time in a very long time that he was proud of himself.

TBC


	3. step 6

**Step six**

**Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character**

Sam tried to put her out of his mind for as long as he could. There were moments of doubt as to whether or not he did the right thing. He had his chance again with Diane, but had blown it. At the time he thought that he was doing the right thing, but afterwards had many a second thought. What was he thinking? He could have jumped in bed with Diane and have things start up again, but for once, her happiness came before his appetite, and that had generated a sense of feeling that he was starting to become used to-pride.

But with any alcoholic, any change-even a good one- stirred up uncomfortable feelings. Sam wasn't quite sure what to do with himself these days- no sex, no booze, nothing to satisfy his ego the way they used to. And he wasn't quite sure that he liked it. Every time he saw a great looking dish walk into Cheers he would look, then look away, even when he was sure they would be receptive towards his advances. This sobriety stuff wasn't for the birds, he'd decided.

One day it was quite apparent that he'd woken up on the wrong side of bed. He was snapping at everyone, then tried to put his discomfort to use. Maybe he'd try to get Norm to pay his tab for once. That worked, to no avail. Damn, he thought. He even found himself thinking Program thoughts, and he definitely hated it.

Woody walked into the bar, as happy as Sam or any of the gang had ever seen him. Sam definitely wasn't in the mood for some long drawn out conversation about whether or not Hanover was the cornflake capital of the world.

"What do you say, Woody?" Sam tried to put his bitter thoughts behind him as he went to pour another beer for Norm. (How he had managed to change the subject of his tab, Sam never knew).

"Oh you guys, you won't even believe what happened to me last night!"

"You find another long lost relative in Cliffy's mail order bride catalogue?" Norm guessed.

"No. It's Kelly. Kelly had the baby! I'm a daddy, can you believe it?"

"Why didn't you call us?" Sam asked, wondering what the rest of his friends were thinking. "You know we would have been there for you."

"Thanks Sam, but Kelly and I decided to make it a special moment. No offense guys. But you'll never believe.."

That was enough. Sam was good enough to be his friend, but not be there for the birth of Woody's son? That was all he could take. "You know what? You are selfish, Woody. That's right, I said it. For the past nine months we've heard nothing but stuff about this baby of yours, how _happy _he's going to make you, how this is the biggest event to ever happen to Hanover? Well guess what, Woody? This isn't Hanover. This is Boston. Dozens of babies if not more are born here every day! Having a baby is not something that happens. You have to plan for it. You have to work at it. Having the baby is the easy part. Do you guys have a plan now that it's here?"

Woody began to cry, and Rebecca ran over to comfort him. "Sam Malone, will you shut your ugly mouth? Look what you've done! This is the happiest day of Woody's life, and you made him cry. You made your best friend cry. Are you proud of yourself? Because at this moment I don't think any of us are."

Sam turned around, looking to his friends for support but not one of them moved. Even Carla walked away from Sam as he tried to pat her on her shoulder.

"Look guys, you don't know what I've been through.."

"What you've been through? What about what your friend has been through? His wife just had a baby for goodness' sake!" Rebecca continued. "Did you ask how the baby is? Did you ask how Kelly is? Come on, Woody," she patted his back as he pulled back. "How are Kelly and the baby?"

"Thank you Miss Howe. I didn't mean to come in here starting a fuss…"

"No, you have every right to. It's your day. Don't mind Sam. He's just been grouchy with everyone. Come on, what did you name the baby?

"That's what I came in to tell you. Kelly let me pick the name and we named him Samuel. "

All eyes fell on Sam, who stood still in his tracks. "You named him…after me?"

"That's right. I wanted to because you're the swellest guy I've ever met. Ever since I met you I wanted to be just like you. Except for the alcohol. And the girls. And I sure don't fuss over my hair the way you do. Come to think of it you're kind of a shallow guy."

Sam looked down. "You're right. I am shallow and I don't deserve the honor you've given me today. You really named him Sam?" 

Woody smiled. "I sure did." Then he opened his arms, and Sam ran around the bar to embrace his friend.

"Thanks Woody. You're right. I am shallow. I'm short tempered, and I'm not a good friend."

"I didn't say that, Sam. You're the bestest friend a guy could have. I'd be proud if my son turned out like you. Except for the hair part. And the alcohol. And the…"

Sam laughed. "Okay, Woody. I get it. I get it. You're okay, Boyd you know that?"

"Well I gotta go. Kelly's waiting for me. Stop by hospital some time if you guys get the chance!" Woody dried his eyes as he left the bar.

Following him closely was Sam, who'd asked Rebecca to cover for him. Once he found Woody's room he waited a minute before knocking.

"Come in!" A cheerful Kelly bellowed out.

When Sam walked in, he wasn't prepared for the sight in front of him. Sitting in a rocking chair was Woody, holding baby Samuel. It was enough to make even the most macho guy like Sam turn to mush.

"Want to hold him?" Woody asked.

"I don't..I don't know. It's been a long time since I've held a baby…"

"Just watch his neck and you'll be fine. Kelly made me practice with one of her dolls. Those Barbies sure are hard to hold like a baby," Woody commented as he handed over his son.

Sam looked down at the sight in his arms. There was a blonde haired boy, as handsome as Sam had ever seen. This was his friend's future. And his friend had wanted him to be a part of it. Right then and there Sam knew that he was ready to change. For the first time in a very long time he felt something strange and unfamiliar. All of his life he was used to being told no. No you can 't be a ballplayer, his father had told him, but he'd done it anyways. No, you can't buy the bar back Rebecca. But here he was, the owner once again. Suddenly flashes of playing baseball with his father came to mind, and he began to picture doing the same with his friend's son. Yes, it was definitely time to change.


	4. step 7

**Step 7 -** **Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.**

Sam knew what he had to do, but he just didn't know how to do it. Without her, it seemed impossible for him to review his shortcomings (Diane was always good at pointing them out to him), but he knew that this step was coming. It was obvious that he needed to change, but where to start?

He thought about how he had treated his friends over the years. He was a pretty good friend, he felt safe to say, but there were times where he was only looking out for his best interest. It was funny, in holding his namesake for the first time he realized that he needed to change, but he wasn't quite where to start. Snapping at Woody was something that he hated himself for, so that seemed like a logical place to start.

"Woody, I know it's late but do you- do you mind if I come in for a minute? I don't want to wake the baby or Kelly or anything like that," Sam asked one day during Woody's two week off vacation. This was funny, this was probably the first vacation the younger bartender had ever taken during his tenure at Cheers. Sam couldn't think of a better reason than for the birth of a child.

"Sure, Sam. You can come in. You're welcome here anytime. That's why I gave you the extra key a long time ago."

"If I remember right it was also because you kept locking yourself out," Sam smiled as he patted his friend's shoulder.

"Oh, yeah. That too. I still get lost in this place. Did you ever dream I'd live in some fancy place like this?" Woody smiled. If it were anyone else asking, Sam might accuse them of boasting. But not Woody. Definitely not Woody.

"No, I honestly can say that I never thought of it. But it couldn't happen to a nicer guy. All of this…" he pointed around. "All of this you deserve. And then some."

"Thanks, Sam. You know if it weren't for you I wouldn't have had this? I wouldn't have become a bartender at Cheers and I wouldn't have met Kelly and then I wouldn't have…" his eyes filled with tears and Sam walked over to embrace him.

"It's okay to cry, Woody. You have a lot to be thankful for. If I were you and I had everything you did, I'd probably be crying too."

"But remember the time Dr. Crane showed up drunk, and I asked you if were okay for a grown man to cry? You said it wasn't."

"As it turns out I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things. I've probably given you some bad advice in my life and I hope you know that I'm sorry…"

"Sorry? You were the one to tell me to go for Kelly when everyone said that she would never fall for me. You were the one to give me a break in the great city of Boston. You were the one who got me here. Come to think of it, I should probably pay you for everything you've done." Woody reached in his pocket but Sam pushed his hand back.

"I didn't come here for payment, Woody. You don't owe me a thing."

"Then why did you come here?"

Sam took a deep breath as he had wondered the same thing himself. "Do you ever think that this could have been me…"

"You were in love with Kelly too? Gosh Sam, I didn't know that. If I'd have known…"

Sam laughed. "No, nothing like that. But do you think that I could have had what you have?"

"You mean with Miss Chambers?"

Sam started to say something funny, but then he thought better of it. Truth be told, over the years he'd often wondered what his life had been like if he had married Diane.

"Yeah, with Diane. Do you think I would have been happy?"

"I think you would have been. I was always afraid to say this but I always thought that you two would wind up together. I know, what does some young farm kid from a small town know about love?"

"I'd say you know a lot."

"Thanks, Sam. But forgive me for asking but shouldn't this be Miss Chambers you are asking these questions?"

Sam stood up. "You're right. Thanks a lot Woody. You're okay, you know that?"

Woody smiled as he shut the door, happy for any heap of praise Sam would dish out. He didn't dish it out often, but when he did, even Woody knew that it meant something. Now if he could only find what Woody had…

0000

"Diane?"

"Who is this…Sam is that you?"

"Yeah," he took a deep breath as he started out the phone conversation, one which he wasn't sure he was ready for. "It's me. How are you, Diane?"

"I'm doing well, but do you know what time it is? Maybe they don't have working clocks back in Boston, but here…why are you calling?"

"I don't know. I guess I just needed to hear your voice. I'm sorry. I'll let you go now."

"No, wait. It's okay. I want to talk to you. How are you?" It was Diane's turn to ask, but even he knew that it wasn't the informal conversation starter that he'd used.

"To tell you the truth, I don't know how I am. I mean it's one a.m., I'm calling you of all people, I just don't know what I want anymore."

"Still out looking for the next young thing to walk into the bar?"

"No, Diane, I gave that up a long time ago, believe it or not," Sam responded.

"Wow…score one for the history books. I'm sorry Sam but I still don't know what you want from me," Diane questioned.

"I don't know what I want. Did I tell you Woody is now a father?"

"Kelly had the baby? Kudos for the both of them for…for breeding successfully," Diane laughed. "Is this what this call's about? Woody had a baby and now you have the blues?"

"I don't' know. It's just made me do a lot of thinking. Did you ever …never mind. You're just going to call me stupid again and I'm really not in the mood for that."

"I'm sorry, Sam. I promise I won't call you stupid. What is it?"

"Did you ever think that what Kelly and Woody have..what they are….that could have been us?"

Sam could hear Diane take a deep breath, obviously not what she had expected to hear. "Yes, Sam. I do think about that from time to time, I must confess. But what's done is done. There's nothing we could do about that."

"I know. And I know I blew it with you so many times. The day we were supposed to get married I should never have let you leave my bar but I thought that I was doing the right thing. I really just didn't want to hurt you anymore."

"I know. And I, for you as well. What has come over you, Sam Malone? I've never once known you to be a man of retrospect. Are you dying?"

He laughed. "No, I'm not dying. It kind of feels like I am, but no, I'm not. I just want to be like everyone else, to have what everyone else has. I'm tired of being alone and I know that I have only myself to blame."

"You're not alone, Sam. You have the bar. Everyone there loves you."

"I know but it's not the same. Even Norm has someone to go home to, as much as he pretends to protest, I know that he loves Vera. I just want what he has…what you have."

Diane wanted more than anything to tell him that her engagement was off, that she had broken it off the second she came back from Boston, but she couldn't bring herself to do that, not yet. What was stopping her? Here was Sam ready to make the kind of commitment that she'd always dreamed of from him, but yet she found herself keeping a steady distance.

"Well," she coughed. "You'll find that someone. I know you will. Like you said, if it happened for me it will happen for you too!"

"Yeah, maybe you're right. I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself. I'm sorry to call you so late."

"It's okay Sam. I'm glad you called. You can call anytime you'd like, you know that, don't you?"

"But what about him?"

"What about who?"

"Your fiancée. You two still are together, aren't you?"

"Yes, yes, of course we are," she lied. "But I'm always here to take your calls. I'll always be there for you, Sam."

As they said their goodbyes, Sam knew more than anything that there was someone bigger in his life than himself. Because if there weren't, Sam wouldn't be able to swear that he'd heard Diane whisper I love you right after they said their goodbyes. He smiled. Suddenly life didn't look so bad after all.


	5. steps 8 and 9

**Step 8** - **Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all**

****Step 9-Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others****

Sam was trying to make the best of this list that he could, and he for the most part considered himself to be a decent guy. He hadn't swindled anyone for money the way Robin Colcord had done to him. But he had turned Robin in, and although he knew it was in Rebecca's best interest, maybe hers was a name he needed to add to his list.

"Rebecca? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Sam asked as he finished wiping dry a glass.

"Sure Sam. You're not going to tell me my butt looks fat in this outfit are you? Or are you going to tell me how good it looks. Either way, maybe I shouldn't be listening to you right now."

"No, no Rebecca. When have you ever known me to make a comment about your butt?"

Rebecca stared at him, and he put his hand in the air in defeat.

"Listen, can we go to my office? I really need to talk to you. I promise you won't be sorry."

"Somehow I doubt that, Malone. I usually am whenever I talk to you."

"Okay, okay. Have it your way. I was going through my inventory thing-y and I had thought of you as a person I had harmed, but I guess you'll have no part of it."

Rebecca softened. "I'm sorry Sam. I guess I really didn't think you were taking your program so seriously. Come on now." She took him by the hand and led him to the office.

"What's this about your inventory?" Rebecca queried.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I guess you probably know better than anyone how hurtful I can be," Sam started.

"Oh come on now. You weren't that bad. So you had a few jokes at my expense. Come to think of it, who around here hasn't?"

"No, no, it's more than that. I've made plays for you even when it was painfully obvious that you weren't interested. I put my own shallow needs ahead of your own, and I guess I wanted to say for that I'm truly sorry."

"Wow, Sam! I never expected to ever get an apology out of you. Thank you- I do appreciate it. You weren't that bad."

They both stared at each other, then she laughed. "Okay, so you were. But you moved on. I moved on. Let's just go from there."

"Well, I guess there's more."

"More?"

"Yes. You know I kind of blew up your relationship with Robin. I was looking out for you but to be honest I got some kind of sick satisfaction out of seeing Robin get his. So I guess that's another reason I'm sorry. I never stopped to think about how you would get hurt, and I just feel bad for that."

"Thanks, Sam. You know, it was probably for the best that Robin and I split. After all, if he was going to give away all of his money then we both knew I couldn't stay with him. So you actually did me a favor," Rebecca spoke up, referring to Robin's recent visit where he'd revealed himself to be a pauper.

"This is true. Anyways I am glad you are happy now with Don and I hope that you get everything you want for from life. You deserve it."

Rebecca wiped the tears from her eyes. "You know what, Sam? You deserve the best too. And we both know who that is."

"You mean Diane?"

"Yes, though I never thought that I would admit it. I don't really know her but everyone knows she's the love of your life."

"But we've had so many chances and I've blown it every time," Sam protested.

"It's like this, you're in the bottom of the ninth, you're up to bat, there are two strikes- and no balls." Rebecca smiled, quoting the same line she used on Sam when she had first met him.

Sam found the irony in her statement amusing as well. "Yeah, maybe you're right. I just gotta finish my program first, then I'll get to Diane."

"Sam…" Rebecca started as he started to walk out of the office.

"That program you're working…what if you don't finish? Then what?"

Sam hadn't really thought about it before. He'd always assumed he would have plenty of time to reach his goals. But what if Rebecca was right? What if he never finished his program, and he never got a chance to tell Diane how he felt about her, even after all of this time? As much as he tried to comfort himself by thinking that it would be all right, the real Sam, the one that had been so fearless in his recovery, knew that if he never got that chance that would be the one thing he could never live with.


	6. Steps 10 and 11

**Step 10-Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it**

**Step 11** - **Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out**

Sam went through his next few weeks, trying to shrug off any thought of Diane that might randomly pass through his mind- and there were a lot of them. By this point, he was starting to believe in signs, but as he never was the most self-aware of men, for some reason he didn't think anything of Rebecca's words. He tried to distract himself from thinking of Diane by making his own lists- lists as to why he and Diane would never work. To those on the outside, it appeared his program was working. People were starting to talk about the differences in Sam Malone. Only one person had a problem with his newfound attitude-Carla. To her, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. She decided to give Sam the cold shoulder, and that irritated him to no end.

"Damn it Carla, when are you going to tell me why you're mad at me?"

"Hey, Woods, did you hear something? Sounded like someone let a little bird in the bar," Carla responded as she started to count her tips for the night.

"No, but that happened back at the bar in Hanover where I used to go to once in a while. Actually, it wasn't a bird. It was a pig. And it wasn't the bar. It was the hospital. Come to think of it, I'm not so sure it happened in Hanover, either."

Sam started to speak, but then he looked at Woody. No, he thought to himself, save this for another time.

"Carla, it's me, your boss and your friend, Sam Malone. You wanna tell me why you're treating me like something your kid stepped on?"

She put away her money and then turned to face Sam. "You really wanna know what's bugging me? I'll tell you. It's you. You're what's bugging me, Mayday." The way she used his nickname just irritated the daylights out of him.

"Me? What did I ever do to you?"

"Look, I'm all for bettering yourself, but ever since you got this…this program…you've been acting holier than thou, and I don't like it. Not one bit. You think that you'd seen God or something."

Sam wanted to holler back at her, but he knew that this wasn't about him. It couldn't be. He'd done absolutely nothing to warrant her wrath, and so he did what he had been doing an awful lot of lately- he stopped to pray to figure out how to handle this.

"Well, maybe I have. So what? That doesn't change who I am. That doesn't change the real Sam Malone. I'm still the same salt of the earth guy I always was. Just because I've been trying to make amends doesn't mean that I've gone soft."

"Oh yeah?" Carla retorted. "Tell me, what do you think of when you think of Di…her?"

He didn't say anything.

"You're thinking how much better your life would have been if you had stayed with her. Everything's peaches and cream for you, but you know you would have made each other miserable if you two were still together. So why does everything good happen around here turn you to mush? Just last night Norm actually went home to Vera on time, and tonight you buy him a drink. Gee Sam, you wonder why you have all these amends to make doesn't let you off the hook for being the bonehead that made all the mistakes in the first place!"

"Carla, I know your life is difficult, okay it's downright hard, but do you really have to go around spreading your anger at everyone you see? Maybe I like who I am now, can you say that for yourself?"

"Are you kidding? I'm pretty damn perfecto, and you are still acting like you have to scrape the gum off of everyone's shoes. Show some respect for yourself, Sam! You're no better than anyone else, but you're no worse either."

"Thank you- I think."

"Look Mayday, just because you're changing all of a sudden everyone around here has to change. Woody's a city councilman! Frasier's gone back to live with Daddy because 'it's the right thing to do'. Rebecca bagged herself a plumber- that was my dream! Norm's got a job and even Clavin got himself a promotion. What does that tell you?"

"It tells me that maybe I'm not the only one who has some growing up to do. What about you, Carla? You're unmarried. You have eight-eight!- kids. You walk around here with this ginormous chip on your shoulder, but have I ever turned against you? No. I've been your biggest fan. Is it really too much to expect the same in return?"

Everyone put down their drinks to see what would happen next. Cliff and Norm were taking wagers as to whether or not Carla would deck Sam.

"You're right, Sam. Look at me. Look at my life. I got rid of one deadbeat husband, married another who croaked and then turned out to be a two-timing scum. I guess you about nailed it."

"Carla, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said."

"Yes, you did. You meant everything you said, and you know what? I'm glad you said it. It shows that you're paying attention to me. Which is something you never did when Blondie was around," she responded.

"Is this what this is all about? Diane?"

"Of course. What else gets my blood pressure to rise faster than my labor contractions?"

Sam stopped what he was doing, and embraced his friend. "I'm sorry, kiddo. I didn't mean to ignore you. You know I'm crazy about you."

"You better be," she smiled. "It's okay. I guess that's the big reason me and Diane didn't get along. I used to think that you changed when you were around her. But now I see that you change even without her scrawny chicken neck around. Just don't go forgetting about us little people."

"Literally for some," Cliff spoke up and laughed at his own joke, until Carla took her dishcloth and wrapped it tightly around his neck.

Sam, pulling her away from her nemesis, pulled her in for an embrace. "It's okay, Carla. So what do you think I should do about Diane?"

"I think you gotta do what you gotta do. Gag me now, but I think if she makes you happy, then you gotta go for it. Oh crap, what am I saying? I didn't mean it, Sam. I was drunk. I've been dipping into the booze my entire shift. Ask my patrons!"

Sam laughed. If Carla was telling him that his destiny was with Diane, that was one sign even he couldn't ignore.

"Carla, will you close up tonight? I may not be in tomorrow by the way."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home."

Everyone looked at each other as more money was exchanged between Cliff and Norm.

"Will you be back?" Carla demanded.

"Look, you may not understand or like my decision, but I gotta follow my heart. That's what all of these changes have taught me. Right or wrong, heaven help me, but I gotta find Diane!"

With those words, his fate was sealed. Well, it was only if Diane could see what had taken the rest of them months to see.


	7. step 12

**Step 12** - **Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs**

There they were. Face to face to each other for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. It hadn't been that long ago that Diane had showed up at his apartment, but oh, how so much had changed. Sam had changed. He couldn't speak for Diane, but seeing the way that they fell into each other's arms and lips so easily let them both know that no matter what changes they both had made with their lives, one thing had never changed- their love was back in full force. It had lay dormant for years, but like a sleeping bear no one wants to wake, once poked, their love was a force of nature that couldn't be reasoned with.

Once Diane had managed to pull Sam off of her, albeit unwillingly, she straightened her hair and her clothes. "Sam, why are you here?"

"To tell you the truth, Diane, I'm not sure why I'm here. I guess I wanted to tell you that I have finished working my program and …" Sam mumbled something so low that Diane asked him to repeat that.

"Well, I finished my program, took me about a year to do it. And I always told myself, not that I'm very proud of this, but I always told myself that once my program was finished I would come back for myself. For what I want. What I need."

"Sam, it doesn't work that way. The program is a daily event for you from now on. Every day you'll be doing a personal inventory, then righting those whom you've wronged. This isn't about getting what you want, it's doing what you have to do."

"Damn it, Diane, what I want is you! Don't tell me I've come here at the end of a very difficult year just to be told you don't love me too! I'm tired of this. I can't live like this anymore. I'm out of here."

Diane tried to follow, but as Sam was at the advantage of being fully dressed and keys in hand she knew she couldn't stop him however much she wanted to. He was going on a binge again, and this was all of her fault. Why, after all of these years, couldn't she just come out and say how she really felt- that it was him that she loved? Would it kill her to say to Sam those three little words that were the most important in all of the English language? Sam had worked so hard to get where he was at and now he was going to blow it, all because she rejected him. When would she ever learn?

A few hours later Sam returned, thankfully, as she had had Reid her dog trainer out at the bars looking for him. She'd seen Sam drunk, belligerent, angry. She was prepared for all of these things but not for what Sam prepared her with.

"I went to a meeting. I know you figured out I was hitting the bars but today I just got my 12 month coin. Pretty nifty, ain't it?" Sam smiled as he tossed it at her.

"Oh, Sam, you're not mad at me?"

"I will admit I've learned that I have many shortcomings, and anger is one of them. But I'm not angry with you Diane. I love you and you don't love me. I'll just have to deal with that. I can do it. This is my new lucky charm."

"Sam, did you just hear yourself?"

"Kinda but I really wasn't paying attention. What did I say?"

"You said you loved me!"

Sam turned around to leave but Diane blocked him, by wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him like they hadn't kissed in years. They hadn't actually, but even Diane thought that it was too good of a metaphor to discard over technicalities.

"Sam…do you love me?" She pulled back, wanting to be sure of where this was going.

"I just told you I did! I mean, yes, Diane, God help me, but I love you. I always have and I always will. Man have I gone soft or what!"

"Sam maybe it's time that I told you something that I've been thinking about for awhile. I'm proud of you; I can see that you are a changed man. Your changes have inspired me to live a happier life. I need to tell you that, yes, Sam Malone, I love you too. What do you have to say about that?"

"I'd say that's a good thing," he smiled as he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to him as they sat on the sofa. "That's a really good thing indeed."

And for the both of them, it really was a good thing, for three months later Sam and Diane finally finished what they had started so many years ago- they were wed, with no interruptions, which seemed like the right thing to do. His thirteenth step, so to speak, was marrying Diane Chambers and giving her the life that she deserved. It had been such a long hard ride, but it was worth it in the end.

The end.

But stay tuned for the epilogue! And as always thank you for reading and for all of those who have left comments, thank you again. Very appreciated!


	8. The Thirteenth Step

Chapter 8

The Thirteenth Step

It was a beautiful day in June when Boston's wedding of the year took place. Sam cleaned up well in his suit, and Diane looked as beautiful as anyone had ever seen her in her ankle length cream colored gown. Her hair was swept away from her face, and her makeup had been expertly applied. So when the Cheers Bar opened for business as usual that day, every patron and guest was duly impressed with the occasion.

Sam hadn't wanted to choose Cheers as the location of their second wedding, due to the ill-fated turn of events that had cursed their first one. But Diane insisted that this time was different, there was no curse, and where better to end one chapter of their life than the location that had started it all? She was a romantic, and even though she'd never dreamed of marrying in a bar, she couldn't think of a place that she would rather be right at that moment in time.

Carla, wearing all black, simply gave Sam a nod as he looked over at her, anxious to see if she would intervene with this wedding. But she said nothing, so he turned around and looked elsewhere. There were all of his friends. His best man of course was Woody. True, the thought that it should have been Coach standing there instead of the young man made him feel a bit sad and nostalgic at the same time, but Sam knew that if Coach were there he would have been so proud. He would have insisted on straightening Sam's tie, even though he himself preferred clip-ons, and he would have given him the talk that every groom needed to hear. Fortunately, Coach and Woody were casual acquaintances of sorts, being pen pals, which was what led Woody to Cheers to begin with. There was no one else, other than Coach, that Sam would have wanted to be best man. He and Woody had been through a lot together, and although he had initially resisted the father and son tone their relationship had taken (Sam preferred to think of Woody as a younger brother instead) he knew that everything had fallen into place just as they should have.

Frasier, Sam knew, was a bit disappointed that he hadn't been chosen as best man, but a man as smart as he surely could understand how complex that would have been. No, there was no time to dwell on the past; today was about new beginnings, one day at a time. Rebecca and her husband Don were there, cheering them on just as they should have. At one point, Sam had wondered about he and Rebecca and what their destiny was, but in his heart there was only room for one woman. And as Norm had pointed out so many months ago, a man could never be unfaithful to his one true love.

And there she was. Diane looked so beautiful that Sam wondered how he would manage to say their vows. Seeing her look so happy, so at peace, made him question momentarily if he would be able to sustain this way of life that he'd come to know. But the most important thing was, that maybe they had never had before, was that she believed in him, and he, her, and knowing that was sure to make a difference.

The beginning of the ceremony breezed right by Sam. He never was one for big words, so he just nodded and smiled whenever the minister would look at him. But Diane brought him back to reality with a gentle nudge.

.

"Is it my turn?" Sam asked, causing the guests to laugh among themselves.

"Yes, Sam, it is your turn. This is where we wrote our own vows. You did write yours, didn't you?" Diane frowned.

"Of course I did. It's just that I left them at home. Can I go back to get them?"

"No, Sam. It's okay. Just make something up," Diane encouraged. This also revealed that even though Sam was the one doing all the changes, obviously something in him had inspired her Diane as well. For once upon a time she would have fretted if things weren't absolutely perfect, especially on this day, but for now she seemed to accept Sam for who he was, the procrastinator that he was, all in all.

"Gee Diane, I'm not good with words, not like you are. I don't really know what to say," Sam started, looking around nervously.

"Go on. I know you can do this," she took his hand and gently sqeezed it.

"Yeah, Sam. We all know you can do it too. You're with friends, remember?" Woody added, causing Sam to smile nervously.

"Okay, okay, here goes nothing. Diane, when I first met you, I was a shallow, self-seeking, selfish kind of guy. And after everything that we've been through, I didn't think I would ever change. But I have. I know I have. I'd like to say that it was because of you, but that wouldn't be exactly true."

Diane raised her eyebrow.

"Yes, it did take losing you to make me take stock of my life, to appreciate life a little bit differently. I distracted myself by booze, women, trying to get the bar back, my car…but in the end I had to change because I wanted to. There was nothing in it for me to gain. In fact, I was afraid of losing face with some of my friends. But I went ahead and made those changes, because I knew that if I didn't, I would continue to lose everything that had ever meant anything to me. I know you, you're probably wondering where you fit in," Sam smiled at Diane. "I don't know when I realized that I was still in love with you. Probably about the same time I started to love myself. Man, I hear myself talking and I can hardly believe it's me saying these things. But it's true. I look in the mirror and I like the man I see. That is how I know that I can marry you. I used to think that you thought you were better than me. Maybe, maybe not. I know I cannot change you, or what you think of me. But today as we stand here in front of our friends, I can promise you that I will love you the best I can. You can take that to the bank."

Diane wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh, Sam, that was beautiful."

"See, all those years I spent pretending to listen to you really paid off!" Sam laughed. He even laughed when she slapped his arm.

"Sam, I know that I haven 't made things easy on you. Life with you was always rocky, and in some ways I suppose that was part of the appeal of our relationship, at least it was for me. But believe it or not, I always saw something in you that I don't think that anyone else had, not even you. I appreciate that the road leading us here has been a long and winded one, rocky at most and ardent at best. But here we are, pledging our undying love to one another, with our loved ones here to witness this momentous occasion. But I always saw something in you Sam, no matter how many times we fought or broke up or hated each other. Losing you the first time…wow, I had not planned on going there, but your honesty has inspired me…losing you the first time I did not think that I could ever become whole again. You see, without you there was part of me that was missing, part of me I could not escape even as I looked in the mirror. Even during the most difficult days of my life you were there with me, and even though I hated you at the time for it, today, I must thank you. For I would not be the woman you see today, the woman who is ready to become Mrs. Sam Malone. And I…"

"Okay, okay, I get it!" Sam smiled ready to kiss his bride. "Is this the part where we, where I…"

"No, Sam, the rings!"

As the two exchanged rings, neither of them really heard what the minister said, for they were both lost in each other's own private world. It was the world Carla had resented, the one that time tried to break, but after today, they knew that nothing would keep them apart. Especially not they themselves.

"And, by the powers vested in me by the great state of Massachusetts, I hereby declare you Mr. and Mrs. Sam Malone. Mr. Malone, you may, finally, kiss your bride!"

No one had to tell Sam that twice. He did what he should have done a long time ago- he took Diane into his arms and kissed her, sealing their fate from that day forward. Sam would always have to work on his Program, he would always struggle with sobriety, and some days it was Diane who drove him out of his mind. But life was good, and he knew that he had so much to be thankful for. And for that, he thanked his higher power every day.

The end


End file.
